Humor of Psychology
|A man calls the psychiatrist at a mental hospital and asks who's in room 24.
"Nobody" comes the reply.
"Good", says the man, "I must have escaped."
|A horse walks into the Psychologist's office.
Psychologist asks, "Why the long face? "
| A man goes to a psychologist, and they decide to start with a Rorschach test. She's shown the first picture and sees a man and a woman making love at the beach. In the second, a man and a woman making love in a hot tub. The third has a man and a woman making love in a park. In all of the pictures, the man sees a couple making love.
After the test, the psychologist looks over her notes and says, "You seem to have a preoccupation with sex." The man replies, "You're the one with the dirty pictures."
|An old lady travels beside a man that constantly sneezes, emitting wailings and guttural sounds, finally enough bothered asks him:
What does it happen you Mister?
He answers; - I apologize: but I suffer a strange affection , when I sneeze, I have an orgasm
Horrified she exclaims: Oh! ! and what have you made in this respect?
The man answered: I put some pepper in my kleenex
|A Rogerian day|
|Patient to Rogerian therapist: I'm really depressed.
Therapist: I see. Yes. You are depressed.
Patient: Nothing is going well.
Therapist: Nothing well.
Patient: I feel like killing myself.
T: You're thinking of killing yourself.
P: Yes, I'm going to do it NOW.
T: You want to do it now.
Therpist: (after the patient jumps out window):
|A Patient's Guide to Keeping the Therapist's Attention|
|1) Insist that one of your other personalities already paid last month's therapy bill.
2) Lie down under the couch.
3) Express concern that you are not narcissistic enough.
5) Shout "Eureka!" after your therapist makes an interpretation
|Walking in the street|
|A man is walking along the street when he is brutally beaten and robbed. He lies unconscious, bleeding.
While he is lying there, a police officer passes by, but crosses to the other side of the road, without trying to help.
A boy scout troop does the same. As do a number of pedestrians.
Finally, a psychologist walks by, and runs up to the man. He bends down and says, "My God! Whoever did this needs help
|This beer is on the house|
|A Man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He drinks the beer, than stands on the bar, drops his pants and pisses all over the place. The bar tender freaks out. "You dirty disgusting pig! How dare you come into my bar and urinate! I'll beat the shit out of you..."|
|A Piaget's experiment|
|(* a true story on children of their understanding of conservation of quantity under transformation)
Assistant : "Is there more water in this jar or in that jar?"
Little girl: "It looks like there's more in that one. But you should ask my brother, Henry. He has conservation already."
Assistant: paled and fled.
(Note: a psychologist's child)
|Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!
|Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a bridge.
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a cat.
How long has this been going on?
Oh, since I was a kitten!
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.
I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.
|Why God never received a PhD|
|1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it by himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
17. No record of working well with colleagues.